I bought my dress!  I am so glad I got one thing off my list of things to do.  I thought it would take 12 weeks to order but it turns out (of course) the dress is discontinued so I bought the sample.  It fit like it was made for me and actually emulated a pseudo-waist.  Of course, I guess it helps that I've been working out during my breaks at work.  Going on one month now and I don't feel any different.  I don't feel like its a chore but rather an escape from my mundane work tasts.  I SHOULD be studying and preparing for radar school in January but f*ck it.  This is my special day.

Now I have to send out the fricking Save the Date magnets and get the church in order.  I plan to have two readings.  One from M and one from a newlywed couple that's galavanting the globe as we speak.  I do hope they will agree to read at my ceremony.  it would mean so much to me.  (no guilt there!)

Getting ready for bed.  I have to work thru July 4th weekend unfortunately.  Good news is I get time and a half.  Need to save those pennies for other things like party favors, mom's gown and freaking flowers.  Just want to get this over with.  It's so much more fun to plan someone else's wedding..... *sigh*

PS Happy Belated Birthday to Brill!  Hope you had a great time celebrating your birthday overseas!

Been checking on the two cats after/before work.  I think the Big Boy is warming up to me.  Whenever I stop by, the two are parked by the basement door WAITING for me to open it so they can slip through.  Wow, the Big one is one heavy monster!  He lets me nudge him back down the stairs.  He runs when he hears me open a can of Friskies!

Oh need to remind the dad to buy the clumping kind of litter.  The ones with crystals suck.  Its stinking up the entire basement.  They sure poo more than my two monsters.

Little Girl is adorable.  She's so friendly and never runs to the food bowl.  I sneak her some kitty snacks by the stairs so they don't get devoured by the Big Boy.

Don't know when they're returning from their trip. It will freak me out if I stop by one of these nights to find them there.  That'll be weird....

I hate this night schedule.  I work from 3 to 11 this entire week.  By the time I get home, I'm wired and can't fall asleep so I don't... and end up REALLY late watching senseless tv while paying bills or surfing the net.  This job will have the death of me.

The commute isn't so bad:  I carpool with my buddy Dan (whom apparently we discovered we attended the same JHS and HS:  never once meeting or becoming friends.)  I guess there's a reason for meeting now:  I needed a carpool buddy.  hahahaha

Work is killing me.  I do the same shit everyday and I get stressed out for no reason.  Random controllers will ask me questions and I feel if I don't know it, I'm a major loser.  The other developmentals (ie: bottom feeders like me) tell me that I have time to learn since radar training doesn't start until January of next year.

That's all fine and dandy but I wish it would SINK IN already so I don't sound like a complete idiot when questioned!  I feel like no amount of studying can get me to that level.  My other 3 classmates (esp. TIM) seem to have it right away and they all LOVE him.  Sucks that I'm the only asian chick in my area.  There's only a few asians at ZNY... so we're easily spotted.

Haven't done anything as far as planning my wedding.  Too busy planning and attending baby showers and weddings.  I'm flat broke getting gifts for them.  Guess it didn't help that I treated myself to $$$ makeup.  I figured at this day and age, I should stop using cheapshit makeup.  It doesn't last long and makes me break out.

I will feel peace again when I can curl up with a book next to my man.  I only see him on my "weekends" which are consecutive days during the week.  It really sucks cuz everyone's at work and I'm just hanging around until people get out of work.  By the time that rolls around, I've wasted the entire day staring at the boobtube and doing nothing... when I should REALLY be studying....  *sigh*  I need motivation... among other things...

Ok, U2 is really bugging me right now.  Theyr'e on Conan and I'm too darn lazy to change the channel.  Gone are the days where I can lounge around, wake up at a reasonable hour (and not at 4:30am) and go to work in the city.  Now I get feelings of dread whenever Exit 53 rolls around.  By the time I exit (exit 59), I'm depressed and the day drags.  I gotta get over this if I plan to do this for the next 25 years.  Ugh.  Just thinking about it makes me sick.

I hear it gets better once we start radar training. But I Just recently learned that if we don't make the grade in radar school, we're out on our ear.  All that for nothing.  Well, not going to put the cart in front of the horse.  I'm hoping the remnants of my brain will start firing and I'll understand what the hell I'm doing...

Need more ginko.

Got a possible baby shower coming up in June.  Need to lose some serious poundage.  That biyatch might be there and I don't need her to have any ammo on me...

Been cutting back on portions but its HARD.  I have to make my food the night before and bring my whole sack of crap to work with me every morning.  It sucks. 

So pooped...

Second week of work.  And it sucks.  I hate the commute but the hour drive is speeding by.  Probably because I'm speeding...

Got a new carpool buddy.  Turns out we went to JHS together a million years ago.  I KNEW I recognized him from somewhere.  Trying to pimp him out to my gal pals. 

So my classmate J confided in me (and here I am posting it on a blog) that he's not allowed to be my friend anymore until his marriage is patched up.  I think its silly that she hates me.  I have no interest romantically or otherwise with him except a good friend and confidante.  But apparently, Text messages are out of the question as well so as not to piss her off.  *Sigh*  Insecurities can definitely take its toll on a relationship.  *sniff*  I'm just an innocent bystander....  Can't help it if I'm a good listener and a big time wine drinker!!

I just hope things work out.  I know they will.  But he CAN be stubborn and thick headed.  I think he should just do what she wants until things blow over.  Once we get together (down the line), she'll see I am NO threat and I'm madly in love with my baby.  Why would I want to move in on her man??  I don't play like that!

In anycase, I miss our friendship altho I see him in class everyday.  Its just not the same.  Oh well.  Guess that's how it goes.  I guess I wouldn't be too comfortable if V was hanging with some chick all the time.  But ya know what?  If she was married and I knew he loved me, why would I worry?  If he really wanted to be with someone else, there's nothing I can say or do to stop it. 

Spring is here.  Its still freaking cold.  I am SO procrastinating instead of studying for my test tomorrow... yuck. 

I hate getting up at 5.  I hate the LIE.  I hate studying.  But ya gotta do what ya gotta do to make the big bucks....

3 days into the job and I already hate the one hour commute.  Luckily there isn't any traffic at 5:30 in the morning...

We spend all day drawing the high altitude map for our area.  So far I only have half of it memorized.  Hopefully I'll be ready for the test this Friday!

*Update*
I got an A+ on the test.  YAY!

I PASSED!!!  WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I'm packing up now and waiting for my ride to the airport!  I can't wait to return home!  And with a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This sux.  I really feel like I was shafted.  I was "on the fence" and the big lady in charge decided that I should stay for more training.  My instructor tried to step in (so he says) and argue for me.... but I guess since I was so shaky and looked like deer in headlights halfway through the problem, I SHOULD stay for more training.

This sucks.  REALLY REALLY sucks. 

Boop is all alone.  I gave Ca Mini to take home and he's safely at Vin's apartment... probably confused as heck.  Poor Boop doesn't even notice he's missing yet....

It's happened.  I failed.  I have to take the retake on Thursday.  I was so upset all day.  I was the second group to run and they failed 3 out of the 5 people.  I couldn't stop crying all day.  Now my eyes are puffy and I have a huge headache.

As if things couldn't get MORE wrong, I couldn't rebook my American Air flight on Thursday afternoon after my second retake.  Whether I pass or not, I still need to get home.  So I booked on Continental nonstop.  American didn't have any availability until MONDAY!!!

So that's all said and done.  Now we have 2 days of intense training.  Congrats to Jake and Ca for passing.  I cried each time I got news from each classmate.... feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my own self pity.  I'll get over it by tomorrow...

I need to pass and get the hell out of here.  I am embarassed, disappointed and very very angry with myself.  I made stupid mistakes and they didn't take NERVES into account.  I am not too fond of the evaluators since they don't know us and they only judge us by what they see for 40 minutes running the problem.  Frankly, I don't find it a very fair way of evaluating us but what can *I* do about it... .I'm just a peon and THEY are the government.

I've never failed at something before and this won't be the first.  But they won't get the best of me!!!